Would you pick up this book (as an agent)? #2

I've been reworking the pitch and trying to make it more personal and hopefully more engaging. What do you think of these changes?

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His father once told him that he couldn't outrun fate, but as Lucifer looked around at the planet Earth, his prison for over 200,000 years, he realized that he could certainly hide from fate for a while. Of course, he wasn't intentionally hiding from his succession to King of Chaos; who would want to? His cousin Jehovah and his brother Michael had conspired against him by sending him premonitions of Michael's death. Being a good brother, he gathered his favored demon legion and some of the most powerful demon wizards in the multiverse and traveled with great haste to avenge his brother.

Unfortunately, Lucifer had no idea that killing Jehovah inside of Jehovah's Order, a universe that his cousin had created in the outskirts of the cosmos, would not only cause Jehovah’s inevitable reincarnation into godhood, but it would also cause a chain reaction that would ultimately kill most of Lucifer's legion. Of the force that arrived on Earth, only Lucifer, his brother Sariel, his uncle Batarel, and a few dozen guards now remain.

To complicate matters, Batarel and Sariel, both members of the Council of Wizards, the governing council that restricts magical learning in Chaos, refuse to tell Lucifer anything specific about what Jehovah has done here. As the apocalypse, a powerful celestial armageddon that Lucifer and Batarel set in motion to make sure Jehovah's creation would be isolated and destroyed, closes in on the entrapped demons, none of them know just what the future will bring. In the world's last days, Michael - now one of Jehovah's archangels, appears to them and tells his brothers and uncle the dark news: the armageddon will spread Jehovah's Order across the cosmos until it reaches Chaos, where it will destroy their entire families, their way of life, and everything fate had prepared for Lucifer.

Down but not out, the demons hatch a daring escape from the cursed atmosphere that burned up their legion many thousands of years ago, and make for Chaos as fast as their wings can carry them. But Jehovah is not the only force in the universe that they have to worry about. It seems that fate has another course set for the Crown Prince of Chaos.